Assault
[This is an archived post from my myspace account I just deleted. I didn't really want this one dead and gone forever]
July 23, 2006
I went to dinner with my friend Kati and as we were talking and walking to the restaurant, this homeless man was following us. He was the same guy a couple blocks back who saw my Santa Cruz sweatshirt and remarked that he loved hippies. Then he was walking along side us on the narrow sidewalk and started listening to us and butting in. He was being rude and creepy, so Kati says "excuse us, we're on our way somewhere." He replies "we're all on our way somewhere", and then she comes back with, "well, we're not going with you. You're being agressive and we'd like you to leave us alone." That's when he calls us bitches and cunts and dykes and carpet lickers. I grab her hand and we walk faster. When he says we just need to get fucked by a dildo, she yells back "so do you!", and then we duck in the restaurant and he turns the corner, flipping us off.
The next day after the Giants game I walk back to my office without the swarm of people from my office that I walked to the stadium with because I had to stop somewhere else before I got back to work. At a traffic light on the Embarcadero, an SUV full of guys yelled out to me that I had great tits and they wanted to fuck them. I turned my head and stared straight at them, incredibly angry and giving them a confrontational stare. That's when they made lewd and disgusting noises at me. I kept walking, feeling very disgusted, but what I really wanted more than anything was to walk over to their car and grab them all by the throat. I wanted to throw punches. But instead, I walked faster and hugged my sweatshirt to my chest. I don't recall having the reaction to cover my chest since I was 14.
Then, the day after that, I went walking the mile or so to a store I heard good things about. On the way there, I had several disgusting stares from equally disgusting men. Most made comments like "hey, man, check out them tits" to their friends or "daaamn!" as they stare at my chest. Several times this happened. I felt angry and really ashamed... I normally do not hate my body, but after three consecutive days of this type of abuse and assault, I really started hating my body, the fact I was a woman, and the fact I have unusually large breasts. But it's 90 degrees here and I can't wear anything but tank tops. I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of any part of my body.
The next day I was on my way to work when I passed by a bar/grill place. A man sitting at an outside table, who was obviously drunk, said, "hey, come here" and reached out to grab me. I swerved to avoid him and 10 seconds later got to my building. I should have called the restaurant to get him kicked out, but all I wanted to do was avoid him, so I didn't think to take action.
Later that day, I was meeting friends for dinner in the mission district, and at a stop light a man in a car said, "Hey, girl. Get your ass right on over here." I pretended to ignore him as I crossed the streeet.
What the fuck is going on?? I haven't had this much harrassment ever, that I can recall. Maybe when I was 12... I had C cups when I was 12, so the grossest and creepiest men would constantly ask me if I wanted a ride, and one time a guy followed me and freaked me out so bad that I ran home in tears and my mom called the cops. That was the year there was a serial rapist in our town, so I was scared as hell.
I'm buying mace. My friend Wini has some and she thinks I should have some, too, which to me sounds like a great idea. I really, really want to fuck up the next asshole who gives me shit. I want his eyes to bleed for days. But I also just want to be safe. Why aren't women safe? That shit never happens to me when I'm with Max or any of my brothers, and now I realize it's only because another guy is in my presence. It also hardly ever happend in high school because I had my brother with me all time, walking to and from school and stuff. Women all over deal with this type of shame and fear, and it's totally and completely not okay. What can we do about this? Men need to shut the fuck up and leave women the hell alone.
I am so, so incredibly thankful for all the men in my life who treat me and all women with respect.
The next day after the Giants game I walk back to my office without the swarm of people from my office that I walked to the stadium with because I had to stop somewhere else before I got back to work. At a traffic light on the Embarcadero, an SUV full of guys yelled out to me that I had great tits and they wanted to fuck them. I turned my head and stared straight at them, incredibly angry and giving them a confrontational stare. That's when they made lewd and disgusting noises at me. I kept walking, feeling very disgusted, but what I really wanted more than anything was to walk over to their car and grab them all by the throat. I wanted to throw punches. But instead, I walked faster and hugged my sweatshirt to my chest. I don't recall having the reaction to cover my chest since I was 14.
Then, the day after that, I went walking the mile or so to a store I heard good things about. On the way there, I had several disgusting stares from equally disgusting men. Most made comments like "hey, man, check out them tits" to their friends or "daaamn!" as they stare at my chest. Several times this happened. I felt angry and really ashamed... I normally do not hate my body, but after three consecutive days of this type of abuse and assault, I really started hating my body, the fact I was a woman, and the fact I have unusually large breasts. But it's 90 degrees here and I can't wear anything but tank tops. I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of any part of my body.
The next day I was on my way to work when I passed by a bar/grill place. A man sitting at an outside table, who was obviously drunk, said, "hey, come here" and reached out to grab me. I swerved to avoid him and 10 seconds later got to my building. I should have called the restaurant to get him kicked out, but all I wanted to do was avoid him, so I didn't think to take action.
Later that day, I was meeting friends for dinner in the mission district, and at a stop light a man in a car said, "Hey, girl. Get your ass right on over here." I pretended to ignore him as I crossed the streeet.
What the fuck is going on?? I haven't had this much harrassment ever, that I can recall. Maybe when I was 12... I had C cups when I was 12, so the grossest and creepiest men would constantly ask me if I wanted a ride, and one time a guy followed me and freaked me out so bad that I ran home in tears and my mom called the cops. That was the year there was a serial rapist in our town, so I was scared as hell.
I'm buying mace. My friend Wini has some and she thinks I should have some, too, which to me sounds like a great idea. I really, really want to fuck up the next asshole who gives me shit. I want his eyes to bleed for days. But I also just want to be safe. Why aren't women safe? That shit never happens to me when I'm with Max or any of my brothers, and now I realize it's only because another guy is in my presence. It also hardly ever happend in high school because I had my brother with me all time, walking to and from school and stuff. Women all over deal with this type of shame and fear, and it's totally and completely not okay. What can we do about this? Men need to shut the fuck up and leave women the hell alone.
I am so, so incredibly thankful for all the men in my life who treat me and all women with respect.
posted by Mary Elizabeth | 9:11 PM
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